Homesickness is the worst "sickness" I've experienced here. It creeps up on me and there is no cure. I try not to think about the United States too much or to compare my life here to my life there. The feelings are difficult and it makes living here difficult.
I was mopping my kitchen floor tonight and suddenly I had a vision of arriving in Miami International Airport. It came out of nowhere and was incredibly vivid. I imagined how white and clean everything would be. We flew out of Miami on our way here, so I had a pretty clear picture.
Sometimes when I imagine us moving back to the States, I'm filled with dread at the idea of returning to the "nine to five" lifestyle. Having to work. Keeping up with the Joneses. Walking into Target and being unable to resist all the stuff. I actually did not sleep an entire night once because I couldn't stop worrying about it. But in this thought, I was just so happy to see the Starbucks and blinding lights everywhere. The overall feeling was one of relief.
And now I'm filled with a real sense of sadness, because as much as I love Brazil, I don't know when we'll see the United States again. It's not close enough for a road trip and round trip tickets for an adult and two kids is not cheap. We'd like to think that we'll be back in two years, but a lot of our situation is out of our control. We're going to take the kids out for ice cream tonight, so maybe that will take my mind off things a little bit. Even if the ice cream here tastes a little bit "off."